at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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