ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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