so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
