did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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