Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize