Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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