What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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