all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
