if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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