I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I forget how to act sober
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
