Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
