What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
