I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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