I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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