The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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