1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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