I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
