what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
