maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I lost the right to judge tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
