i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
