You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
