i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i came on her dog
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
