tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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