How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
