Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
