i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
