well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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