I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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