Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
