looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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