piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are my feet made of real feet?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
