brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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