so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there was a trapeze. enough said
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
