Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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