i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
