It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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