i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
