I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
