her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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