If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
