i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
