if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
