I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
