the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize