u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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