I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
