I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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