4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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