I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
