Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
