I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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