I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
