The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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