Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
