I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
