2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
