I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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