this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
