I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize