I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
