I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
