Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
